Authentic, Not Just Positive.

You don’t have to have it all together. It’s okay. Acknowledge the mess that you are. The beautiful beautiful mess that you are. I get told very often, “Oh, you are always freaking out.” I want to tell all those peeps, that you have not seen me freak out and neither have you seen me get my act together, when things were hitting the roof. I am made to feel more anxious than I would want to feel just by how people judge me, or define me. But I am learning to ignore those hallmark dialogues. You will have to, too. Your closest people will say, “You are always freaking out.” Your nearest people will tell you, “That you are a mess.” You innermost circle people will tell you, “Your anxieties are unreasonable and that you are ungrateful.” I have only one thing to tell you. Do not listen to all this. Do not listen to anyone who tries to define your mind. You do not need definitions.

I have one girlfriend, who is most clairvoyant ever. I think even she doesn’t know. She is my best girl ever and she is my favourite feeling ever. But that’s what makes her so special. She doesn’t go around headlining other people. And that’s what it is. She has helped me embrace my messy self and that’s what it is. She and Me… We don’t try to be positive…rather we try to be authentic. Go through the melt downs. We don’t run away from our feelings. We don’t try to shush the mind. We just stay put. It’s not the most pleasant experience. I am not glorifying the disturbed, restless mind. But this journey towards not trying to please anyone has helped to be our true self. She is more truer than I am and much more braver than I am. And I am so inspired by her. She has taught me to be okay with myself, with my views, with my opinions and feelings.

You do not owe an explanation for anything. Avoiding the triggers never helps. You have to walk through that tunnel of uncertainty. And accept the mess and chaos that you are. And oh, accept the other person’s chaos too. There is nothing picture perfect about this life. Air-brushing never helps. All I need you to know, is that being authentic is so much more important than being positive all the time. Being authentic and being true to yourself. Nothing beats that. All your successes…in whatever way you define it, will only make sense when you are true to yourself.

It's okay we feel blah, and nonsense, 
When nothing seems to make any sense,
It's okay to not know what to say, 
To Not feel fun or feel just meh... 
It's okay when feelings are muddled up, 
And the words do not come out 
The head feels noisy And screams out LOUD.  
When all you want to say Is anything but 
Make some sense, and have a good laugh 
And feel the heart go light and fluff
And yet, nothing seems to make any sense 
Hormones and Pandemics all feel the same. 
And yet it is okay, Trust me, IT IS OKAY 
For once, everyone gets it, More than you know,
Everyone's in it 
The fears are real, Anxieties are anxious 
All alone or not, We are all in it together. 
So... it is okay... To be uncomfortable and numb 
Not know what to say, And the heart goes "Meh" and glum. 
I hear you... If it's gonna make your day 
You can jibber jabber, chitter chatter 
Or go all quiet. 
I will understand and Everyone will too
Coz it's okay 
When there is nothing much to say. 
It will be all okay. I know you know that too, 
And yes, it's always okay... To not be A-Okay! 
                                    - Maddy. 13th June, 2020

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